What to Do When Nature Calls

Running, Relief, and the Humble Art of Planning Ahead

We’re talking about running—on your terms.
• Maybe you’re starting again after a long break.
• Maybe you shuffle a couple miles now and then.
• Maybe you’ve got a quiet streak going and want to keep it alive.
Wherever you are—you’re here. And that’s enough.
     

    Let’s Be Honest

    The older you get, the more you learn that running isn’t just about the legs.
    It’s about logistics.
    Because sometimes, nature calls.
    Not softly. Not politely. Not later.
    NOW!
    Ask any man over 50 who’s jogged more than a mile from home and they’ll confirm:
    Bathroom strategy is part of the training plan.
     

    What You Can Do (Before You Go, or While You’re Out There)

     

    1. Know Your Route
    The most important landmark on any run is not a mile marker.
    It’s a porta-potty, gas station, or “wooded area with plausible deniability.”
    Map accordingly.

     

    2. Cut the Coffee Curve
    Coffee is beautiful. Coffee is sacred.
    But if you’re running within 45 minutes of drinking it… may the odds be in your favor.

     

    3. Pre-Flight Checklist
    Morning runner? Give yourself a little time to… let things sort out.
    The great runners have a pre-run ritual. It’s just not printed on the medal.

     

    4. Carry a Card (Optional but Wise)
    Tissue. Napkin. Paper towel. Something.
    If you never need it—great.
    If you do, you’ll be grateful in a way you’ve never felt before.

     

     

     

    The Secret All Runners Share

     

    Here’s what’s funny:
    Everyone who runs has a story.
    A near-miss. A poorly timed burrito. A bush forever etched in memory.
    So if it happens to you? You’re not alone.
    You’re just officially part of the club.

     

    Let’s Keep Moving

     

    This isn’t a setback.
    It’s part of the comedy and chemistry of running past fifty.
    Plan well. Laugh when you don’t.
    And above all—keep going.
    Because dignity is optional.
    But motion is non-negotiable.

    let’s run forever.

    THE PERSONAL MILE

    Ardent runners have epic stories—but not all are about medals. Some are about survival.

    One of the best I’ve ever heard came from my teammate Pat during the Jasper-to-Banff relay—18 men, 184 miles, daylight to darkness.

    He told us about the time he ran the Portland Marathon.
    At mile five, nature called—urgently.

    Rest station in sight.
    Both doors locked.
    He waited.
    Nothing.

    So he pushed on, hoping for the next stop.
    When it finally appeared, every door had a line—three, four runners deep.
    Panic turned to strategy.

    Now winding through the University of Portland neighborhoods, the homes grew more welcoming.
    And suddenly… the point of no return.

    Pat ran straight up onto the porch of a sweet older couple sitting out front.
    Didn’t ask. Just told them:
    “Where’s your bathroom?”

    Before they could answer, he was inside.
    Did what needed doing.
    Ran back out.
    Yelled, “Thank you! You saved my life!”
    And kept running.

    God bless kind strangers.
    God bless understanding seniors.
    And God bless every runner who’s ever risked their dignity to protect their streak.

    TOOLBOX

    Running after 50 isn’t just about your legs.
    It’s about your gut instincts—literally.

    Here’s how to stay one step ahead of nature.

    1. Map the Stops Before You Run
    Use Google Maps to mark:

    • Public parks with restrooms
    • Trailheads with porta-potties
    • Coffee shops, gas stations, and fast food spots that won’t give you side-eye

    Bonus: Call it your Route Relief Recon.
    Do it once. Update as needed.

    2. Know Your Triggers
    Everyone’s got a “danger combo.”
    For some it’s:

    • Morning coffee + greasy dinner
    • Dairy the night before
    • Too much fiber too close to go-time

    Find yours. Adjust accordingly.

    3. Build a Pre-Run Routine
    Give yourself 15–30 minutes after waking up to let things “sort out.”  (For me it’s precious time on the throne.)
    Move around. Sip water. Let gravity and time do their work.
    It’s not glamorous—but it’s game-changing.

    4. Carry Backup Supplies
    A small stash of:

    • Tissues or
    • Wet wipes or
    • A folded paper towel
      I just run with it in my hand or you stash it in your pocket.

    You’ll rarely need it.
    But when you do—it’s gold.

    5. Say Thank You, Always
    Gas station attendants. Store clerks. The old couple on the porch.
    A quick “thank you” keeps the door open for the next runner in distress.
    Kindness travels. Gratitude keeps it alive.

    Final Words:
    This isn’t a failure of planning. It’s a reality of moving through life with a body that’s still doing its best.

    You’re not the first runner who’s detoured behind a dumpster.
    And you won’t be the last.

    Plan well.
    Laugh often.
    Run anyway.

    Let’s run forever.
    With a napkin in our pocket—and a story in the making.